When you live as a cross-cultural missionary, you encounter stressors and life experiences that are unlike anything you might experience in your home country. Conflict is inevitable, and learning how to manage it well is crucial. Healthy conflict development strategies are important for missionaries to develop resiliency and also learn how to live well with colleagues and local people.

Anne Simms and her husband, Andrew, have spent over 40 years serving with Wycliffe, first as a translation team in Indonesia. While Andrew continues to work as a translation consultant, for the last 13 years, Anne has acted as the special case coordinator with Wycliffe USA which means that she comes alongside Wycliffe missionaries who are encountering particularly challenging situations and helps them structure a plan that works toward recovery, healing and growth. Anne shares six tips for learning to manage conflict in cross-cultural and missionary settings.

1. Consider cross-cultural differences.

Whenever there are many people and cultures in one place, there are potential areas of conflict. Different cultures have different expectations for communication, ideas of what is considered polite and rude, as well as paths to reconciliation.

If you’re overseas and you hear or observe something that your home culture would consider offensive, Anne’s first advice is to pray: “Lord, give me your mind on this. Let me see this person and situation through your eyes.”

Anne recalled being in a situation where a person was quite blunt with her, and it almost felt rude. But she recognizes that different cultures have ways of communicating. “We have to stop and think about the perspective from the other person,” she advised. What may be considered offensive in U.S. culture is perfectly normal in another culture and vice versa.

2. Understand yourself.

“If you have a heart and mind prepared to be in a relationship [with others], that’s half the battle,” Anne observed. “You must know who you are … and have a healthy sense of self.”

Anne remembers when she first moved into a language community in Indonesia, her goal was to live as much like the local people as possible. But the inner conflict between trying to leave her culture behind and living among so much need only led Anne to feel guilty and frustrated. Anne only felt freedom once she realized that God had designed her with her own background and culture for a reason; he never meant for her to reject everything she once knew. She also discovered the local community believed the same thing: that people should not reject their resources, differences and backgrounds, but instead use them for the welfare and well-being of the whole community.

Anne said: “I realized God made me who I am … and I need to feel comfortable with that and be who he wants me to be.”

3. Keep your trusted inner circle small.

You probably have often sought advice from close friends or family members when you’ve had situations involving conflict. But in missionary and cross-cultural contexts, Anne recommended that it’s important to keep your trusted inner circle small. Otherwise, too many outside opinions and voices can actually cause more harm than good.

“We need to be willing to be humble … and apologize,” Anne encouraged. “Keep the circle of those you confide in as small as possible.”

4. Broaden your perspective.

How big of a deal will this issue be in six months or a year? Often missionaries live more stressful lives in an overseas context than they would in their home country. “Everyone is trying to cope to one degree or another,” Anne said. “Remember that you don’t know what [the other person is] dealing with right now. Cut people slack.”

Anne advised that the best thing to do is “stand back and get a bigger perspective,” and reflect on the question: “How do I want to look back on and feel good about how I handled this?”

5. Appropriately submit to authority.

In situations of conflict with people in authority, it can often be difficult to know how to proceed — especially overseas. Hebrews 13:17 reminds us: “Have confidence in your leaders and submit to their authority, because they keep watch over you as those who must give an account. Do this so that their work will be a joy, not a burden …” (NIV).

First, take a moment to calm down, pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you and not react in the heat of the moment. Next, as Anne mentioned earlier, there are situations where it may be appropriate to overlook a perceived offense or moment of conflict before taking action; this applies to supervisors as well as your colleagues.

Even when you may not agree with your leaders, it’s important to try to be led by the Holy Spirit and be humble, listen and work in unity with one another with appropriate submission to leadership.

There are, however, exceptions to this: Missionaries should never ignore conflicts or situations that may cause actual harm to themselves, another party or the organization. Submitting to authority does not mean allowing abuse of any kind. If a conflict situation arises due to discrimination, harassment, violence or abuse, the situation should immediately be reported to the organization.

6. Don’t avoid conflict.

As uncomfortable as confrontation is, Anne also noted that the healthy solution to conflict isn’t to avoid it altogether. In most circumstances, it’s better to address a problem early rather than allowing it to simmer and grow. “The sooner you handle it in a godly, Scriptural way, [the better].”

Anne continued:“Approach the person lovingly, with their welfare in mind. … I will sometimes pray, ‘Lord, set a guard over my mouth until my heart is right.’”

Conflict isn’t something most people enjoy, but it is an opportunity to grow and become more like Christ. Healthy and humble conflict management strengthens our witness to others as we demonstrate God’s love and mercy through our actions.